Winchester scars
by Szarabasjka
Summary: John's view of what happened when Sam left for Stanford


_John hid from them, held his bottle and sat on his bed, Dean opened the door, his oldest a man already walked straight to him  
'are you serious? Are you just letting him go?' and throwing his hands 'Just like that?' _

_John couldn't look up, couldn't look to Dean's face, to his eyes, to Mary's eyes filled with tears._

'Dean, I can't do anything else, is not like he's gonna hear me...' it was true. Sometimes he remembers Mary saying she never wanted the life their parents had, she wanted to be away from everything, and this was that life, Sam, the kid was acting pretty much like his mother once did.

'you can! You can tell him to stay, tell him to stay with... us' and his voice broke. Dean never cries, he never complains, he never talks back, that's Sam's job, and now, feeling his son crying over all this brakes his heart, he wish he could reassure him, but John is afraid that if he tries to speak he'd start crying too 'please dad, make him stay...' and fell at the foot of the bed crying.  


_It all started like a year ago when Sam turned 17, and started worrying about SAT's and all that, he sent college applications without telling them, he ran away once already and Dean brought him back, but this time... This time he said he was going to college, and no order, no words, not even threat worked on him, not even Dean pleading._

Now, he saw his first born crying his heart out at the foot of the bed Sam was packing in the next room 'please... dad, please, we have to be together, say something... make him stay!' he kept begging

_And John had to do something, even if that means feel every shard of his heart piercing his chest again looking into those green eyes, moved to held Dean._

'Son, listen to me, I can't make him stay, he has to want to stay with us, he's not like you, you want this...' but Dean shook his head

'NO.. No, I had to stay, had to, there's no other way, we have to be together, we're a family, remember you said that to me' and sobbed again, John sighed, and after an awkward silence tried to finish this

'I'm sure he'll be fine.. You know it...' but once again Dean shook his head 'Sam is not himself right now, Son, you have to...' Dean jolted scaring him a little

'he's not himself...' and ran to his duffle before running out, John sighed, yeah at least one of them was acting as usual.

After one long swing of the JD he had in hands sighed and heard the first, a bump and a groan, Sam screaming and Dean huffing, knowing Dean Sam would need some help. 

_John ran to the door, opened it and found them fighting, they kept it quiet until now, that was obvious for the amount of bruises they sported already, a puddle of something on the floor and some salt they surely throw over while fightin._

_Then John saw it, gleaming in the poor light, Dean had something in hand, a knife and was holding it against Sam's neck, while his youngest son was trying as hard as he could to push him away._

'Dean NO!' and in a half second was over them holding him to take the knife away, he saw blood on Sam's arm, and the youngest started crying

'he's not himself, he's not himself, if he were my brother he'd never want to leave...' scream Dean trying hard to escape John, Sam was crying, and dad needed to control this.

_'Wow' he thought, Dean was a man now, a strong one for sure, Sam was there looking like a small boy, staring amazed from his wounded arm to his brother, the one who cared for him more than anybody else, even Dad, but then Dean got still._

'he's fine...' said and his voice broke, the clang of the silver knife hitting the floor startled John a little 'you really want to leave...' and Sam moved closer

'I have to, Dean, how come you can't understand...?' tried to hold Dean's arm and he swatted it away

'don't touch me you...' And sobbed

'you're supposed to be on my side Dean, you're supposed to understand' cried Sam

'that you don't want to be with your family? No Sammy I do not get that, I'm... I understand why dad thinks you're better off gone...' Sam moved and held Dean's arm

'you don't understand! Is Stan...' _**Stanford**__ got cut when Dean throwed him to the floor in one blow_

'Dean!' John got close 'enough' and Dean clenched his jaw and turned

'you're right Sam..' Spat Dean 'I don't understand why your family isn't enough for you' and left the room.

'what you've told him?' asked Sam, John was there still numb 'you're not happy unless I have no choice, right?' the bitterness of every word hurt like hell, but John had made his mind and couldn't go back now.

'you've said you're gone... then stay gone...' _**Dean does not deserve this **__thought John but he'd never let himself say the word,s he went to his bedroom and stayed there until the next morning. Came out to find Sam packing, Dean stayed out the whole night._

Maybe Dean had Mary's eyes, and that heart that...God, Sometimes... but Sam was like him, more than he wanted to admit, and had that stubbornness only Mary had, and now, he had to give up on him, for good. crossed the room, picked up Dean's stuff and left, without a word, he had no strength to say anything or he'll beg him to stay.

_Found Dean asleep in the car, tried hard not to wake him up, his heart kept telling him to do it, so the boys could say good bye, if they could, maybe things would be easier for them._

'hey kid...' Dean sat 'we're leaving in 15, wanna go to the bathroom or... to...' Dean sighed, shook no 'I warn you, I'm not gonna stop until noon doesn't matter if you have to pee or if you're hungry.. we need to get to Minnesota tomorrow' put the duffel in the back sit 'the room is still open in case you need something, I'll be right back' pointed to the diner across the street 'do you want something? Pie?' could see his eyes swollen and red when he nodded 'just 15 okay?' and moved away.

It took more than 15, he saw Dean entering the room, and saw Sam coming out after few minutes, crying like an orphan and his arms itched to hold him close, Damn pride.  
Saw Dean coming out after another couple minutes, and he sat on the car quietly.

_John still had to be sure Sam was okay, waited until the bus left before going back to the Impala, holding the pie 'let's go Son...' said serious 'everything okay?' Dean only shook his head 'don't worry, everything is gonna be fine' right then he decided he'll give Dean the Impala, they had the truck for a while and this was his boys car anyways, he'd take care of it, after all it was the closest to a home the boys had._

After few weeks, Dean's bruises healed, except for the small one on his chin, it looked like some kind of birth mark, you had to know where to look to find it.

_Somewhere in California Sam's had healed too, the mark on his arm was pink and almost gone, but not completely, there was a small shadow, you see, there are some scars that are meant to stay, those remind you that you lived, that you suffered, but show us too that you're stronger no._


End file.
